


All The Universe Conspires

by gmariam



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-10 02:53:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4374416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gmariam/pseuds/gmariam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a seemingly innocent tech retrieval, Tosh is charged with solving the mystery of the boys' strange behavior. Featuring muffins, a baby grand piano, and some opera.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. He's In Your Kitchen?

_When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream. ~Paulo Coelho_

i. He's in your kitchen?

Tosh sensed that something was different from the moment she stepped out of the lift—before she passed through the cog door, before she took off her coat, before she logged on for the day. Not only was it dark and quiet, but the air itself felt different. Her instincts screamed at her that something was wrong, though another part of her racing mind tried to calm down that instinct and tell it to stop overreacting.

She didn't smell any coffee.

It was early, but Ianto always had coffee brewing by the time she arrived in the morning. Sometimes he'd even start a second pot for Gwen and Owen, depending on how his latest sparring match with Owen was playing out. If Owen was winning, Ianto served them reheated coffee when they came in later. If Ianto was winning the unspoken score count, he reminded Owen by brewing a fresh pot and adding a biscuit. He was devious like that sometimes.

Yet rare had been the instances when Tosh had arrived to work and not been welcomed by the heavenly scent of roasted coffee beans wafting through the Hub, especially on a weekday. It made getting up and dragging herself down to the bay in the middle of a cold rainstorm at seven in the morning slightly easier to accept. Yet today, with a biting wind blowing leaves everywhere and making it worse, she had no hot coffee to quell her deep irritation and even deeper desire to go back to bed.

Usually if Ianto were late, he'd at least let her (and the others, but mostly her and Jack) know about it, and usually that was only if he was sick or injured. And as she hadn't received a text or email detailing any overnight injuries or illnesses, she couldn't help but be concerned.

Still, she tried to quiet her inner fears and logged in, checking the system to see if perhaps Ianto had gone out with Jack on an early morning call. Nothing. She frowned at her computer screen, glanced at the coffee maker and Ianto's empty station, then walked into Jack's office, which was when she realized something else: Jack wasn't around either. That would explain the darkness and the silence.

Now her heart started racing, and she thought about calling the others in a panic until she realized she should call Jack or Ianto directly. There was probably a perfectly rational explanation, after all. She decided to start with Ianto; Jack still kept his own hours much of the time, and it was more unusual for Ianto to be missing than for Jack.

Sad but true.

She waited half an hour to make sure she didn't come off as an over-anxious mother hen, then couldn't stand it anymore when neither man arrived at work. Ianto's mobile rang and rang. She was about to hang up when a deep voice grunted into the speaker.

"Whasgoinon?"

"Ianto?" Tosh asked, slightly surprised at the sleepy, slurred sound to Ianto's voice. Was he still in bed? Was he injured? Was he sick? Was he…no, not Ianto, not in the middle of the week…hungover? "Is everything all right?"

"I'm fine, Tosh," said Ianto, yawning into the phone. "Is everything all right with you?"

"Well, yes," Tosh replied. Ianto didn't seem phased at all by the fact that he wasn't at work. "Only I'm here alone. Where is everyone?" He did claim to know everything.

There was a very inelegant snort on the other end of the line. "I suspect they're all still in bed. Which is probably where you should be as well, Tosh. It's pissing down rain outside."

"But it's well after eight, Ianto," Tosh replied, wondering when the weather started bothering Ianto enough that he would stay home and inside. He was Welsh; he should be used to it. "You're never this late, and Jack's out. Was there a late night call?"

"Just a tech retrieval." Ianto yawned again. "Boring."

"Were you injured?"

"Nope."

Tosh frowned. One word answers from Ianto were not that uncommon, but they were usually the product of his dry wit. Or his unflagging ability to keep a secret. Yet Ianto was clearly not going for drollness, nor did he sound like he was hiding anything. For some reason Tosh only sensed…laziness, as if Ianto couldn't be arsed to talk. He must be tired, or distracted. Oh. Maybe he had company (in bed) and didn't want to talk in front of them.

"Are you sure you're all right?" she asked, lowering her voice.

"Positive," he said. "Doing exactly what I should be doing right now: laying in bed."

"Er, are you coming in to work?"

"I'll be in later this morning, I suppose."

"Good." She was silent for a moment. "Do you know where Jack is? I didn't want to bother him if he was chasing a Weevil or…you know…"

There was that snort again. Where did that come from? "On the pull?" Ianto finished. "He's in the kitchen. I think he's making muffins."

"The kitchen?" Tosh repeated. "Here at the Hub?"

"'Course not," Ianto laughed. "He's in my kitchen. I smell banana nut and cinnamon apple, I think."

"He's in your kitchen? Baking?" Tosh wasn't quite sure which was harder to wrap her brain around: Jack at Ianto's flat, or Jack baking muffins. But Jack baking muffins at Ianto's flat first thing in the morning had to be Rift-related for sure.

She stopped. Or maybe not. She didn't know much, but she knew they'd had some sort of affair before Jack had left. Had they hooked up again in the three months since Jack had been back? Had Jack gone on the pull…and pulled Ianto? Or was it the other way around? Tosh wasn't all that surprised and hoped it worked out for them this time, but Gwen would be stunned. And Owen would take the piss for sure.

Tosh shook herself again, her initial thoughts distracted by too many other thoughts. Ianto was saying something about them coming in when the muffins were done and after they had cleaned up. She could almost hear the leer in his voice and the obvious insinuation of a quick shag in the shower, and stared at her phone as he ended the call.

Something was definitely wrong.

Ianto kept his secrets close, his personal life private. Torchwood One, his family, Lisa, his previous relationship with Jack. He'd only shared the minimum of information with Tosh, and it was completely unlike him to not only admit that Jack had spent the night, but that they were going to be late for personal reasons.

Then Owen breezed in, and the world got even stranger. He was wearing a new pair of fitted jeans (yes, she did notice these things) with a button down shirt and nice shoes. He'd lost the leather jacket and was wearing a wool pea coat that looked like it belonged to Ianto instead. And he was carrying a bag of pastries from the local bakery that kept them on a sugar high most mornings. Only Owen never brought in pastries, which was how she knew something was going on, aside from the lack of baggy jeans, tee shirt, and leather.

"Good morning, Owen!" she called, telling her inner voice to shut up again since he had pastries and looked good. He greeted her with a smile—also unusual, since Owen was not a morning person. Tosh considered writing everything down, all these strange symptoms she was noticing in her coworkers. Maybe it would help her make sense of what was going on, because something was  _definitely_  going on. She pulled out a pad of paper and began to make notes as Owen hung up his coat in the medical bay, then bounded back upstairs and handed her the bag of pastries.

"Good morning, Tosh!" he replied, and he sounded reasonably cheerful. It was so unnatural that Tosh casually reached out and started a scan on one of her computers for alien possession.

"Strawberry Welsh cake?" he asked. "I know they're your favorite."

"Thanks, Owen," she replied, completely gobsmacked. How the hell had he known that? He never paid attention to those sorts of things, even after working together for years. She knew his favorite pub, his favorite Chinese dish, his favorite movie, and even his favorite porn site (it was hard not to, given how often he surfed it at work.) She wondered if he even knew her full name some days. After a few bites, she got her voice back. "Trying a new look?"

Owen glanced down at himself and shrugged. "Yeah, I guess," he replied. "I used to dress like this, before I started chasing aliens around Wales." Tosh nodded, reached for her pad of paper, and added the symptom to the list.

"It suits you," she said, nodding shyly, then turned away when Owen gave her another unnatural smile. She talked over her shoulder. "Hey, do you know anything about the tech retrieval last night? Ianto mentioned it on the phone."

Owen frowned as he glanced around. "He's not here."

"He's at home," Tosh told him. "I called him to make sure he was all right."

"There's no coffee," Owen said, staring at the coffeemaker. "I bought pastries, and teaboy isn't even here to make coffee."

"He's still in bed. Maybe he's not feeling well? He said there was a retrieval, although he said it was boring."

Owen snorted. It sounded a lot like Ianto's snort, and she wondered who had picked it up from whom. "Boring is a compliment. Just a little black box with a bunch of buttons. Looked like some kind of wireless speaker or something, but hell if I know what it was. Probably space junk."

"Where is it?" she asked, and he shrugged.

"Jack's probably stashed it away already."

"Jack's not here either," Tosh said, and Owen crossed his arms over his chest.

"Where's Jack?" he asked suspiciously.

"Er…"

"Tosh. Where is Jack?" Tosh bit her tongue. "Breakfast?" She shook her head. " Roof?" She shook it again. "Time machine?"

"No! Of course not."

"Tosh."

"HesatIantosflat," she spilled in a rush, hoping she didn't have to say it again. To her surprise, Owen pumped his fist in the air.

"I knew it! He spent the night, didn't he? Ianto's back to shagging the boss."

"I don't know, I really don't," said Tosh. "But Jack was there, baking in Ianto's kitchen."

"Huh." Owen went still, his eyes distant as if trying to picture it. "Didn't know Jack baked." How was it that Owen was more surprised by Jack's kitchen habits than his sexual partner?

"Or that he was sleeping with Ianto again," Tosh pointed out.

"No wonder he's still in bed. I bet Harkness kept him up all night," Owen said, then smirked at his double entendre.

"Something funny is going on, Owen. Jack going on a baking binge, Ianto staying in bed so late, you showing up here cheerful and all…cleaned up. It's just not right."

"Thanks," said Owen, his normal sarcasm coming through as he headed back down to the medical bay. "Didn't realize I had reputation for being such a slob."

"You wouldn't care if you did!" Tosh called down at him. He ignored her and turned on the computer, pulling up some music. Instead of hearing his normal tastes in alternative and indie rock, she found herself frowning as the strains of a soprano singing in Italian filled the air. Opera? Owen and opera? She decided that she needed to talk to Jack immediately. She needed to look at whatever they had found the previous night, because she had a feeling it was making all three of them act very, very strange.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something a bit more lighthearted. Short, simple, and done, so quick updates. Also all from Tosh's point of view, which is new for me and quite fun! Thanks for reading—I hope you enjoy it!


	2. I'm All Grown Up and Finally Moving Out

ii. I'm all grown up and finally moving out.  
  
When Jack and Ianto showed up two hours later—bounding in side-by-side, talking and laughing and touching—Tosh almost forgot her earlier concerns. They looked so happy, so normal, and so natural together. They were clearly enjoying it—and clearly not keeping it a secret anymore. She hated that their behavior was so unusual that she had to doubt it.

The large wicker basket Jack was carrying didn't help.

He set the basket down on the table by the sofa, took off the tea towel covering something that smelled wonderful, and called Tosh and Owen over. Owen hurried upstairs, and Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Looking good, Owen," Jack said, waggling his eyebrows. Ianto rolled his eyes, which was when Tosh noticed that Ianto had come in with a new look as well: he wasn't wearing a suit. Her heart almost stopped, and not because Ianto looked good enough to shag right there, but because he looked so different: young, carefree, open, free. God, was that what a suit really did to a man? Confined him?

No, she told herself. Ianto looked even better in a suit: older, sophisticated, confident, and in charge. He wore a suit as if it were his uniform, and the times she had seen him out of uniform had been enough to convince her that for Ianto the uniform was also a mask, a shield, and a carefully crafted public persona all rolled into one devastating pinstripe. Now all that was missing, throwing her for a complete loop, especially at work.

Ianto was wearing dark jeans and a casual pair of loafers. He had on a black tee shirt and a maroon v-neck jumper and wait—was that a studded belt? What the hell did Ianto own a studded belt for? Especially one that appeared to match the thick bangle around his wrist. Where was the black Mondaine he'd treated himself to last Christmas when they were out shopping?

Where were his sideburns?

"Shit," Tosh muttered under her breath, staring at Ianto's face. He hadn't shaved, and his face was dotted with more than a hint of sexy stubble. Yet he had clipped his sideburns, as if he couldn't wait to be rid of them. The rest of his hair looked different as well, looser and more casual, and then Jack started running his hand along the back of Ianto's neck, ruffling it even more, and Tosh turned away.

At least Jack looked the same, although he was wearing different clothes from when she had left last night. Yes, she really did notice these things. That meant that Jack had either packed to spend the night at Ianto's flat, or that he kept clothes there. The latter likely meant that Jack and Ianto had been doing overnights for a while and might even be fairly serious. Considering where Jack's hands were now, it was possible. It was equally possible they did nothing but—

"Oi, hands where we can see them," Owen muttered, also avoiding looking at Jack and Ianto. "We're at work, so show some discretion in front of your humble minions."

"Have a muffin, kids," said Jack, grinning broadly and ignoring Owen's barb. But he did bring his hands in front of him and clapped them together. "I made them myself, so take as many as you want. I've got another recipe I want to try later."

"Later?" asked Tosh. She helped herself to a banana nut muffin (she didn't like bananas much but hated cinnamon apples even more) and couldn't help but moan in surprise; it was still warm, moist, and delicious. Ianto smirked as he bit into one and winked at her. Was that because the muffin was so good, or because he had plans with Jack for later? Did she really want to know?

"I've always wanted to bake bread. So I brought the ingredients with me in case it's slow this afternoon." Tosh noticed a paper bag next the table, and assumed it probably continued flour and yeast and whatever other ingredients he needed to bake a loaf of bread he could pick up at the local bakery. So Jack was still on a baking kick. Ianto had lost his suit and his sideburns, and Owen was listening to opera. She had to say something.

"So Ianto," she started, "apparently Owen isn't the only one changing his style today."

Ianto glanced down and shrugged. "Suits can be rather restricting," he said. "I wanted to dress casual for once, like the rest of you."

"And sleep in?" Tosh continued. Ianto grinned.

"And sleep in. You should try it. It was brilliant."

"We don't all get to wake up to fresh muffins," Owen said through a mouthful.

"Or fresh—"

"Stop." Owen pretended to look pained. "I do not need to know. Seeing you skip in together was more than enough to short circuit my brain for the weekend."

Ianto inclined his head and Jack grinned, pulling Ianto close for a sloppy kiss on the side of his neck. Tosh stared, slightly dumbfounded at the open signs of affection from the last two people she would have expected it from.

"I like the look," Tosh said, trying to bring them all back to focus. "Owen's too. And the muffins, Jack." She took a deep breath. "But it all seems a bit odd, don't you think?"

"What's odd?" asked Owen.

"Where's Gwen?" asked Jack.

"Off today," Ianto replied, his mouth full again. "Wedding prep with her mum."

Jack made a gagging motion and Owen laughed; no one had answered her question.

"Jack, did you bring the artifact?" asked Tosh, realizing she probably wouldn't get far if she tried to convince them they were acting strange. "I'd like to look at it." She idly wondered if it would affect her when she did—if she would suddenly start dressing differently and acting funny and generally giving in to whatever inner whims she felt at the time. It was as if the three men were tapping into the thoughts and desires they kept in check up most of the time: looking and acting nicer for Owen, loosening up for Ianto. She couldn't even begin to explain Jack's sudden desire to bake, but maybe it was something his mum had done, and he'd always wanted to try it, only Torchwood didn't leave much time for culinary recreation.

Jack pulled a little black box—in a plastic bag, no less—from his coat pocket and tossed it to her. "Have at it," he said. "Don't work too hard, though. I think it's just broken tech from the future."

"Or a Jambox from next year," Owen said. "Which is equally as useless." He went back downstairs and turned up his opera, taking several muffins with him. Jack cocked his head.

"Puccini. Nice. I met him in London once."

Ianto exchanged an eye roll with Tosh and moved toward his computer. She couldn't help but follow him with her eyes, still slightly transfixed by the dramatically different view. Jack elbowed her.

"Stop staring, Ms. Sato. He's taken."

"I noticed," said Tosh. "So when did that happen?"

Jack was gazing at Ianto with an affection Tosh rarely saw so open and unguarded. "A few months ago," he said. Tosh followed Jack's look again. Ianto seemed to sense them watching him, glanced up, shook his head, and ignored them as he moved toward the coffeemaker. Jack laughed, and something occurred to Tosh.

"So that date Ianto had a while back," she said hesitantly. "Was that with you?"

"Yep." Jack looked fit to burst.

"And when he said he had tickets to go to the rugby match with a mate, was that with you too?" Jack nodded. "And that new posh restaurant uptown you were raving about last week, were you with Ianto?" Another nod, with a bounce on his toes. It was as if Jack couldn't keep it inside any longer.

"And we're going to London next week for a UNIT meeting." He made air quotes around the word 'meeting', and Tosh burst out laughing.

"I can't believe it!" she finally exclaimed. "All this time, all these dates, and we never knew a thing. You two can certainly keep a secret." She linked an arm through his and guided him over toward her computer. "So what changed?" she asked casually. She had a hunch it was connected to the little black box in the plastic bag she was about to examine.

"We wanted to be open about it." Jack shrugged as if it made perfect sense. "It was fun sneaking around at first, but not anymore."

"Just like it's fun to change your look, or take up baking," Tosh suggested, and Jack nodded.

"Exactly. Which reminds me. I need to get some paperwork done." He headed off toward his office, and Tosh watched him go before calling after him.

"You hate paperwork, Jack," she said. "What's the hurry? Help me with this box." She wanted to talk to him some more, see if she couldn't work out some of the mystery surrounding his behavior.

"Sorry, you're on your own," he said. "I need to get this done so I can go flat hunting this afternoon," he announced. "I want a place away from the Hub."

Tosh almost dropped the black box. "What?"

Jack grinned. "I'm all grown up and finally moving out. I've wanted to for a while, but never felt like I could." He glanced over at Ianto, moved back toward Tosh, and lowered his voice. "But I think I talked Ianto into joining me," he whispered, and Tosh bit back a shriek, channeling it into wide eyes instead.

"What?" she asked again.

He kissed her on the temple and went back to his office. "I'm looking for a gourmet kitchen. Think of how much I could cook!" he exclaimed, then paused. "And I've always wanted a garden."

Tosh glanced up to find Ianto watching Jack with what she could only consider a sappy and sentimental smile on his face. This new side to her coworkers was adorable, but also alarming. Before they did anything rash, like move in together and start a bakery, she needed to figure out that box, and fix them all quick.


	3. Want To Go?

iii. Want to go?

Several hours later, Tosh was no closer to understanding the little black box and the unusual effect she was sure it was having on the men. She'd been working nonstop, until her stomach growled loudly and reminded her—in spite of having had far too many muffins—that it was past lunch. Owen declared that he wanted fish and chips, which Tosh couldn't remember him ever ordering, and Jack decided that since it had stopped raining, he wanted to go out for lunch instead of eat at the Hub. Ianto enthusiastically agreed, because he "was an archivist, dammit, not a waiter," and he wanted to be served for once, not serving others.

So they walked to a local pub and had fish and chips all around. Jack and Ianto sat next to one another, and although that wasn't unusual, they sat particularly close, legs touching and hands frequently disappearing under the table. At one point, they were sharing chips and finishing one another's sentences, and Tosh wasn't sure whether she should be delighted or terrified.

Jack walked to a local estate agent after lunch to look at flats with his required gourmet kitchen. Ianto watched him go with that goofy smile again, then decided he was going to visit a local music shop before heading back to the Hub. "I want a piano," he declared.

"A what?" asked Owen, as if he had heard wrong.

"A piano," said Ianto, hands in his pockets as he smiled wistfully. "My grandmother had a beautiful one, a Baldwin Ellington baby grand. Beautiful mahogany, with ivory keys. I played when I was younger, but didn't continue with it much after she died. Lisa had a small keyboard I'd mess around with, but it's not the same."

"Go for it, Piano Man," said Owen with a grin. "Live on the wild side."

"I think I like that better than teaboy, at least," Ianto replied dryly.

"As long as you still make coffee with our morning serenade," Owen replied. "Come on Tosh, we'll do the actual work today and hold down the fort."

He held out his elbow, a bit like Ianto had a habit of doing at times. Tosh almost laughed at the irrational thought that maybe Owen's inner desires had to do with being more like Ianto. Ianto gave her a wink as he turned and headed off on his own, whistling old Billy Joel tunes. Tosh linked arms with Owen as they walked along the bay back toward the tourist office.

"Anything you ever wanted but never got around to, Tosh?" Owen asked as they walked arm-in-arm. Tosh glanced at him in surprise.

"Of course," she replied. "Everyone has those kinds of things floating around in their head—their maybe-somedays and what-ifs and should-have-beens."

"I wonder why more people don't just go for it," Owen said, sounding thoughtful. "Jack wants a kitchen and a garden so he's off looking for a new flat. Ianto wants a piano so he's gone shopping as well—and I bet he goes for a baby grand. What would you do, if nothing was stopping you?"

"I'm not sure where to start," she laughed, trying not to think about all the things stopping her from all the other things she really wanted. "I'd probably travel, to start. See my family. How about you?"

He was silent for a moment. "Believe it or not, I want to go to the opera," he said softly.

"Why don't you?" she asked in surprise. He shrugged.

"No one to go with. The type of girls I used to slag around with after work weren't quite into opera." He paused and there was a distant look in his eyes. "But Katie was. She was a beautiful singer. We saw several at Covent Garden. It was amazing."

"Have you ever been to the Welsh National Opera here in Cardiff?" Tosh asked. She set aside her astonishment that he had even mentioned his former fiancé, since she knew how much Katie's death still affected him. He shook his head, and she placed her other hand on his arm. "You should go. I think they're doing Rossini this month."

Owen glanced up in surprise. "You like opera?"

"I've been, yes," she laughed. "And ever since, they won't stop mailing me flyers. They're doing  _The Barber of Seville_  this weekend."

"Want to go?" asked Owen. He didn't hesitate to ask and didn't look like he regretted it for a moment. Tosh stared at him in amazement.

"Why?" she asked, and he simply shrugged.

"Because I want to see an opera again, and I'd really like it if you joined me."

She continued to stare. "Do I have vinegar on my face or something?" he asked, sounding more like his normal, annoyed self, and she shook herself out of her astonishment.

"No, it's fine," she said, then grinned. Alien tech or not, she was definitely taking him up on his offer. She didn't like going to the opera alone, after all. "I'd love to go. Just…don't change your mind, okay?"

Owen frowned. "Why would I change my mind?"

Tosh didn't answer. It was entirely possible that she'd never figure out what was wrong with her friends, but at that moment it almost didn't matter. Owen had made a good point: why didn't people do what they actually wanted to do more often instead of what they felt like they had to do? Life was made for living, not for working long hours, suffering in silence, and dying alone and unloved. Jack obviously wanted a home, Ianto wanted a connection to his family, Owen wanted back a life he'd once enjoyed. What was wrong with any of it?

The rest of the afternoon was spent listening to Rossini on the Hub speakers. Jack came back with pictures of his new flat, while Ianto arrived not long after with pictures of his new piano, a Steinway black baby grand. Jack was delighted and showed Ianto exactly where it could go in the new flat. Ianto looked slightly dazed at first, but then kissed Jack so passionately that it was obvious he was thrilled. When Jack pulled Ianto toward his office and shut the door, it was equally obvious that Jack was excited to be moving in together as well.

Owen turned up the music.

They came out an hour later looking both satisfied and smug. Jack found a free surface near the kitchenette to wipe clean and started making his bread. Ianto badgered Owen into turning off the opera so he could listen to Chopin, quickly abandoning it in favor of some jazz piano standards that had Jack grinning and whistling along as he kneaded his dough.

Owen bought two tickets for that night's performance of  _The Barber of Seville_. Tosh half-heartedly tried to study the little black box and whatever it was doing to her friends, but the atmosphere in the Hub was hardly conducive to study: lovely music, the delicious aroma of rising bread, and the good-natured banter of the three men filled the room with a rare joy. She found herself simply watching and smiling at the scene for most of the afternoon.

She left early to get ready and met Owen at the Millenium Centre for a light dinner at the café. The opera was wonderful, Owen was good company, and the night was more perfect than she could have ever imagined.

Tosh fell asleep wondering how she could possibly end it all. Everyone was so happy, who was she to deny them? If the little black box was allowing them to live a little more and enjoy doing all those things they'd always wanted to do but never actually _let_ themselves do, maybe that was a good thing. As long as it didn't go too far, maybe she should just let it be.

A call the next morning quickly changed her mind.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Welsh National Opera really did perform The Barber of Seville in October, 2008. Told you it was going to be lighthearted. It gets a bit indulgent now, too. Enjoy the ride!


	4. We Need Another Witness

iv. We need another witness

It was almost nine in the morning, well past the time Tosh had called Ianto the day before and far later than she usually slept, even on the weekends. As her phone went off on the bedside table, Tosh rolled over and groaned, hating the poetic justice of it when she saw that it was Ianto. It was Saturday, she'd been out late at the opera with Owen, and she wasn't supposed to go in today. Gwen was at the Hub since she'd spent the previous day with her mother working on wedding arrangements. If Ianto was calling, that meant Tosh probably had to go in and run down aliens on her day off.

"Good morning, Ianto," she mumbled as clearly as she could into the speaker. Ianto chuckled on the other end of the line.

"Late night?" he teased, the implication clear.

"Not like yours, I'm sure," she tossed back. "I had a great time, but it was all completely innocent."

"I wasn't implying otherwise," Ianto replied. "I know Rossini can be a bit long." He paused. "So how was it really?"

"It was fantastic," she said, sitting up in bed. "The production was brilliant, the soprano was—"

"Not the opera," Ianto laughed again. "The date."

"Oh." Tosh bit back a yawn. "It wasn't a date, you know. He just…well, he said he hadn't been to an opera since Katie died. I was happy to go with him so he could do that again."

"I bet you were." She could almost picture the twinkle in Ianto's eyes. "I'm glad it worked out. Are you busy?"

"I'm still in bed," she laughed. "Taking your advice about sleeping in. Plus it's Gwen's turn today, isn't she in yet?"

"Oh, well." Ianto cleared his throat, almost sounding nervous. "We're not at the Hub, exactly."

"We? You and Jack?" she asked. When Ianto hummed an affirmative, she sat up even straighter. "Where are you? Was there a Weevil alert or something?" She idly wondered if they'd found more unusual tech.

"No, no Weevils," said Ianto. He was definitely dodging the question. Tosh was fairly sure she heard Jack in the background; it sounded like he was talking to someone else, possibly on his phone.

"Ianto, what's going on?" she asked. Ianto sighed.

"You'll think we're mad," he said.

"You bought a flat and a grand piano yesterday," she pointed out. "I know you're both mad."

She could almost hear Ianto grin over the phone. "And the piano will be perfect right where Jack suggested," he enthused, then kept talking about the flat and how they'd spent half the night decorating it virtually on Ianto's laptop. She shook her head, smiling at his enthusiasm, and felt the text alert buzz against her cheek. Ianto was talking about Jack's new kitchen so she pulled it away from her ear and checked the message. It was from Gwen.

_What the hell is going on with Jack and Ianto?!_

Ah. She knew.

Tosh couldn't text back with Ianto still going on about stainless steel appliances, but a second alert had her checking again. This time it was Owen.

_Did you know they were thinking about doing this?_

Suddenly wide awake, Tosh threw her legs over the side of the bed. "Ianto, where are you?" she demanded. "And stop talking around it. What's going on?"

There was silence. "We're at City Hall," he finally answered.

"No," she whispered, jumping up and beginning to gather clothes. "Ianto, don't…you can't…"

"Tosh," he said gently. "It's fine. We're ready."

"No, you need two weeks!" she exclaimed. "You have to give notice in advance and have witnesses and everything."

"That's why we're calling," Ianto said. "We need another witness."

"You need two weeks," she repeated weakly.

"Tosh, we're Torchwood. Do you know how easy it was to go into the system and backdate our registration?"

"Oh my god," she said. "I taught you that."

"And I thank you. Will you come?"

"No, Ianto, you don't understand—" She had to tell him. Them. All of them. It had gone too far. A flat could be sold, a piano could be returned, Owen could go back to wearing baggy jeans and listening to bad music…but a civil partnership could not be easily undone. Not emotionally, at least. Jack and Ianto would be mortified when they realized they had gone and got married under the control of unknown technology.

"I thought you'd be happy for us," Ianto said softly, trying to hide his hurt and failing.

"And I am! I'm so glad you are together, but this…this isn't you talking, not really." She took a deep breath and plunged on. "Can you put me on speakerphone?" She heard a click, and then Jack's voice.

"Morning, Tosh!" he called. "Coming to the ceremony?"

"Jack!" she nearly shouted into the phone. "You can't do this. You're being influenced by alien tech."

There was a long silence.

"Alien tech is telling us to get married?" asked Jack.

"That's a new one," Ianto remarked in the background.

"It's true. At least, I think it is," she said, desperate for them to believe her. "Look, I think it has something to do with that little black box, the one the three of you found Thursday night. You've all been acting strange ever since then."

"It's Torchwood, Tosh," said Ianto, his dryness coming through clearly over the phone. "It's always strange."

"But you didn't wear a suit to work, Ianto, and you didn't even shave! Owen dressed nice and took me to the opera, Jack started baking and moved out of the Hub, and you bought a piano." She paused to shift the phone so she could pull her pyjamas over her head. "None of that is normal for you. I think the box is bringing out all the little things you want to do, but never let yourself do."

"Like bake?" asked Jack, sounding skeptical, and she heard him snicker when Ianto whispered something rather crude to him. Tosh would have blushed if she hadn't been on the verge of panic.

"Jack, please trust me. At least wait until Monday. The office is closed on Saturday anyway!"

"I know a guy who knows the register. He offered to come in for us."

"No!" Tosh exclaimed, and she heard could almost hear Ianto roll his eyes in exasperation. "I'm sorry, it's just that I don't want you to make a mistake—"

"We're not making a mistake," Jack said, and now his voice was slightly offended.

"Okay, something you might regret later when you've come around. Jack, please, please trust me. There's something influencing you, both of you. And you shouldn't make this decision under the influence."  _Of alien technology_ , she added to herself with a silent and slightly hysterical giggle.

There was another long silence. "Are you sure about this?" Ianto asked, and she nodded in relief even though he couldn't see her.

"Yes, Ianto. I'm sure. Please meet me at the Hub. I was working on the box all day yesterday. Maybe we can find something together, at least make sure you're not being manipulated before you do this."

"All right, Tosh," Jack said, sounding reluctant. "We'll trust you. But I'm moving our appointment to first thing Monday morning. You have until then to prove your point."

"You'll come to the Hub?" she asked.

"We'll meet you there in a hour," said Jack. He sighed. "Maybe we can go pick out curtains instead."

Ianto signed off, and Tosh dropped her phone to the bed. She ran to the bathroom to take a quick shower, grabbed her purse, and hurried out of her flat. She had to solve this. Moving in together was one thing; she couldn't let Jack and Ianto take an even bigger step in their relationship without clear heads.

The problem was, she wasn't sure how to clear them. Or if she should.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you it would get indulgent. Just wait. Gwen returns in the next chapter. Thank you and enjoy!


	5. I'm Gone One Day

v. I'm gone one day

When Tosh arrived at the Hub, Owen was sitting on the sofa with his head in his hands, while Gwen paced back and forth in front of him. She was obviously agitated, and it put Tosh on guard immediately, especially when Gwen turned and began questioning her before she had even taken her coat off. She noticed Owen lean back and sigh in relief, as if enduring Gwen's tirade had almost driven him to the edge. Maybe it had.

"Tosh, what's going on? Why are Jack and Ianto at the Register's Office? What are they doing?"

"I tried to tell you—they registered for a civil partnership," Owen muttered from the sofa. Gwen whirled on him.

"But they're not…they can't…" She stammered in a sort of desperate frenzy. Tosh exchanged a look with Owen as she hurried toward her computer; it was exactly how she would have expected Gwen to react.

"They are, and they can if they want to," Tosh said firmly.

"Jack can't get married!" Gwen exclaimed.

The alarm went off at that moment, and Gwen whirled to find Jack and Ianto walking in together.

Ianto was had left off with the suit again, and had forgone shaving as well, so that the definite beginning of an attractive beard was coming in. He was wearing grey trousers with dress shoes, along with a light pink dress shirt and a matching tie that he had loosened. Tosh almost laughed at the look on Gwen's face, but her own mouth fell open when she turned her eyes to Jack.

He was wearing blue trousers and braces, but had abandoned his trademark shirts for a more modern white dress shirt and a blue and grey striped tie. A tie.

Jack was wearing  _a tie_.

He also tossed a casual leather jacket on the sofa, the wool greatcoat nowhere in sight. Owen nodded in appreciation while Tosh stared at him in shock along with Gwen.

Jack noticed them all staring and frowned as he set down a tin of biscuits. "Yes, I actually do own a tie," he said, then turned to Gwen. "And why exactly can't I get married?" he asked, his voice slightly darker. Ianto ducked his head and moved toward the coffee maker as if trying to avoid whatever explosion was imminent, but he winked at Tosh as he walked by.

Gwen stuttered again. "Because you…you're…" She looked to Tosh and Owen for support and was completely ignored. Taking a deep breath, she plunged on, heedless of the consequences. "Because you can't."

Owen snorted.

"I can do what I want, Gwen," said Jack, sounding both amused and offended. "I don't need your approval to live my own life."

"Of course you don't," she said in that patronizing way that worked so well with others but insulted her coworkers every time she used it with them. She missed Jack's raised eyebrows and continued anyway. "But Jack, you've only been back a few months. What about Torchwood, what about—"

"Don't say it," Owen said, jumping up and stopping her. "Don't you dare say it."

"Say what?" she exclaimed. "Owen, Jack's been back for three months. That's not enough time to meet someone, fall in love, and decide to get married!"

"Says who?" asked Owen, and Jack crossed his arms over his chest as he nodded in agreement. "You? Because it took you and Rhys years to get to that point?"

"Well, yes," she said, missing the sarcasm. "That's how it usually works. That's normal."

"We're Torchwood, Gwen," Owen said, grabbing one of Jack's biscuits. "We're not normal and we never will be." He took a bite of the biscuit and his eyes went wide. "These are fantastic, Jack."

"Thanks," said Jack. Ianto appeared then and handed Tosh and Owen a mug of coffee. He went back and brought over one for Jack and one for himself; he did not bring one for Gwen.

"Feel free to grab a refill when you're ready," he said, nodding at the Costa cup on her desk when she gave him a curious look. Her face fell.

"Look," she started again. "I just think it's a bit sudden, you know? How long have you been…together?" she asked. It sounded as if it were hard for her to get the last word out.

"Unofficially, since before I left," said Jack. "And unlike some of you, Ianto didn't push me, yell at me, or demand answers when I came back. We've been officially dating ever since."

Owen was sitting the sofa again. "So that's what you've has been up to on all those secret dates," he said, nodding in approval at Ianto. "Good for you, mate."

"Thanks, Owen," said Ianto, smiling over his coffee. "I think."

"Ianto!" Gwen exclaimed. "You mean, when you went to the movies and tried that new sushi restaurant…that was with Jack?" Ianto nodded, and Jack grinned at him, licking his lips.

"And the rugby match," Tosh added. Gwen did not seem to appreciate her input and sputtered some more. Tosh didn't feel sorry for her, but she felt bad for Jack and Ianto and decided to put an end to it.

"Gwen, be quiet. It's none of your business anyway, and there's more going on than you know. So stop acting like a jealous girlfriend when you've got your own wedding to plan."

Owen fell back against the sofa, cackling to himself. Jack grinned at her, while Ianto shook his head in amazement. Everyone ignored Gwen's imitation of a stunned blowfish.

"What's going on, Tosh?" Ianto asked. "You mentioned alien tech over the phone."

"Yes," said Tosh. She picked up the little black box and the plastic bag it had come in. "Look familiar?"

"Of course it does, I gave it to you yesterday to look at," said Jack.

"We found it Thursday night," added Ianto. "It appeared harmless so we didn't feel there was much need to contain it."

"I noticed," Tosh said dryly. "Did you even scan it?"

"Of course we did," Ianto replied. "Nothing registered but Rift energy, and even that was minimal."

"It's broken space junk," said Owen from the sofa.

"It's some kind of behavioral modification device," said Tosh.

"What?" asked Gwen. Owen rolled his eyes and grabbed another biscuit.

"She means it makes people act funny," he translated.

"I know what it means, Owen," Gwen snapped. "I—"

"So," Ianto said, drawing it out to interrupt their argument. "It encourages impulsive decisions, is that what you think is going on?"

"I don't think that's it exactly," said Tosh. "I think it somehow quiets the inner voice that tells you whether or not to do something you're not sure you should do."

"Like buy a posh new flat," murmured Ianto.

"Or a grand piano," Jack whispered back.

"You bought a new flat?" asked Gwen, turning wide eyes on Ianto. "When?"

"I didn't," he replied, holding up his hands in defense and pointing at Jack. "He did."

"Jack?" said Gwen, sounding disappointed. "You're moving out of the Hub?"

He rolled his eyes at her. "About time, don't you think? I've been living here since I took over eight years ago."

"Past time, if you ask me," Owen offered from the sofa. "And a gourmet kitchen makes way more sense than a piano."

"Gourmet kitchen?" Gwen never seemed to run out of questions; it was starting to drive Tosh insane.

"I want to cook," said Jack. "And Ianto wants to play piano. I don't see the problem. There's plenty of room in the flat for a piano. Maybe even a hot tub on the balcony."

"Wait—you're moving in  _together?"_  Gwen squeaked. She sat down heavily on a chair, her hands falling limp to her lap. "I'm gone for one day…"

"And you miss all the fun!" crowed Owen. "Tosh and I went to the opera last night."

Gwen's eyes somehow grew even bigger.

"And I might have bought a Jaguar XKR on my way in this morning," Owen added, going for nonchalant and failing.

This time everyone exploded with questions and exclamations.

"What?" Owen said, grabbing another biscuit. "I've always wanted one, so why not? I've got the money."

Ianto sat down next to Owen and started asking questions; Owen pulled out his mobile and shared pictures. Gwen stared at Jack, who was gazing at Ianto with a fond look on his face. He glanced up when he felt Gwen looking at him.

"I think I'll put an Aston Martin DB9 on my list," he stage-whispered. Ianto's head whipped up.

"I might know a thing or two about them, sir," he said, the last word more of a purr. Tosh noticed a flush creep up Jack's neck. His breathing picked up as he grinned almost wickedly.

"Let's take a look in my office," he said, and Ianto leapt off the sofa. For some reason, Gwen joined them.

"Jack," she started, until Tosh cut her off.

"For god's sake, Gwen, back off," she snapped. "And Jack, you're not dragging Ianto anywhere."

"But I want to," he whined, though with a twinkle in his eye.

"You and your libido can wait," Tosh said. "Sit down. We need to figure this out before you two end up in a brick house in Roath Park with two kids and a dog."

When they both got dreamy looks on their faces, she knew she had said the wrong thing.

"Ianto!" she shouted, hoping to bring the more grounded of the pair back to earth. "Stay with me."

"Right." Ianto cleared his throat. "Alien box. Inner voices. Go on."

"Did you get anything from the scan, anything at all? Because it was completely inactive when I looked at it. I picked up absolutely no energy readings whatsoever."

Jack shook his head and Ianto frowned. Owen, however, cleared his throat and raised his hand.

"Er, there was a blip on the scanner when I first started it. But it was so brief I just shook the damn thing to make sure it was working, and then there was nothing."

"Owen…" started Jack, his voice dropping to a growl.

"No, it's all right," said Tosh, trying not to roll her eyes or shout again. Figures it was a stupid mistake, and one of Owen's this time instead of Gwen. "Where's the scanner you used? I should have thought of checking it yesterday."

Owen jumped up, hurried down to the medical bay, and returned with the small device they used out in the field to assess various objects. She grabbed it and plugged it into her computer, immediately pulling up as much data as she could.

"You're such a wanker, Owen," she heard Ianto murmur behind her.

"Sod off," Owen muttered. "I thought the damn thing was running out of battery."

"It doesn't run on batteries," Ianto tossed back. "It's alien, remember? Just like the little black box that  zapped us with something you failed to tell us about because you thought the batteries were dying in the alien scanner!"

"Yeah, well, I don't know what you're complaining about," Owen returned. "You got a piano, a flat, and several baskets of bakery out of it, not to mention you almost—"

"Boys," Tosh snapped. "Stop it." She scrolled through the readings, barely pausing to acknowledge Jack standing behind her. He squeezed her shoulder.

"Sorry, Tosh," he said. "I guess we should have brought it back right away and checked it out, blip or no blip."

She paused, found what she was looking for, then turned around. "I doubt you could have. According to the readings, that blip Owen saw was a concentrated burst of energy lasting less than a nanosecond. If it did what I think it did and somehow made the three of you think and act differently, then he wouldn't have wanted to look into it, just like you wouldn't have wanted to bring it back to the Hub."

"We went out for a drink," said Ianto, leaning back on the couch as he scrubbed his hands over his face. "We forgot all about it."

"Because that's what you wanted to do. You wanted an easy retrieval, a drink, and an early night. I think it makes you ignore your better judgment, somehow." Tosh stared at them, trying to figure it out. "Owen!" she exclaimed, startling him into sitting up straighter. "I think we need a brain scan. What if that pulse did something to your brains to shut down your normal inhibitions, or at least enough to bring out your inner desires and let you act on some of them? Would something like that show up on the Hub equipment?"

Owen was already on his feet. "Should do, yeah. Come on, teaboy. Picture time."

"What?" asked Ianto, but he was following Owen anyway. "Why me?"

"Because I can't scan myself, that's why," the doctor replied. He was already bustling around the medical bay, pulling out scanners and wires and all sorts of equipment. "And Jack isn't normal. Hang on." He glanced up to where Tosh was now standing with Jack and Gwen, leaning on the railing to watch. "Jack's not normal. Why is he affected?"

Jack shrugged. "I've been affected by things around here loads of times. I'm clearly not immune to stupid accidents with alien technology."

"But you're immortal," Owen pointed out. "If anything goes wrong with your body, it starts to heal itself. So if Jack's brain has been fried, why hasn't it got better?"

"I don't know," said Tosh, frustrated that her theory might not hold. "Maybe you should scan Jack after all."

"You can scan me anytime, Owen," Jack offered with a crooked grin that earned him a silent eye roll from Ianto.

"Ianto first. Then you, and if there's a difference, maybe that will help us solve the mystery." Owen motioned Ianto onto the table and started hooking him up to the instruments they'd need. "And if we don't find anything, then we'll have to just let it play out and hope we don't do anything monumentally stupid."

Jack joined Ianto and Owen downstairs, and Tosh turned back to her computer to continue her own investigation, hoping she was right and that the solution came to them quick and easy.

And that the boys went peacefully back to their former selves without doing anything monumentally stupid first.

  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Gwen. Fan or not, I just can't see her reacting lightly.  
> And just so you know, I am not a doctor or a scientist, and definitely not a psychologist, psychiatrist, or neurobiologist. Nor am I an expert on alien technology, cars, pianos, or opera. I'm just a writer trying to write a good story.


	6. Ianto Would Look Good With a Tattoo

vi. Ianto would look good with a tattoo

It turned out that Jack and Ianto's brain scans, aside from the subtle differences between a 21st century and a 51st century brain, were similar in one telling way: they both showed abnormalities in the prefrontal cortex of their brain, abnormalities Tosh didn't understand as she gazed at the brightly colored images and tried to make sense of them.

"What does that mean?" asked Gwen, for once speaking for them all. Owen frowned at the results, chewing the top of a pen.

"It's the part of the brain that regulates impulse control, decision making, ethics, things like that. I'm guessing if we looked in my head we'd see the same thing since this is far too specific to be a coincidence." He paused. "Although it does lend evidence to the phrase 'shagging your brains out' when it comes to these two."

"Owen!" Gwen exclaimed. Jack and Ianto didn't even blink, just sipped placidly at their coffee after exchanging grins.

"What?" he said. "Tell me you weren't thinking it."

"I wasn't thinking it," she said.

"Whatever," Owen shrugged. "Anyway. It looks like the receptors between neurons are not working. There's no activity." He pointed out several areas of both scans that matched. "They're not receiving, in all the same places."

"Not receiving what?" asked Ianto. "Electrical impulses? Chemicals?"

"Pizza deliveries?" suggested Jack. Owen ignored him.

"Both. They work together. My guess would be dopamine if we're talking about neurotransmitters. Low dopamine is sometimes associated with things like impulse control and ADHD."

"I don't feel hyperactive," said Ianto. "Or distracted."

"I can fix that," murmured Jack from behind him.

"Low dopamine doesn't cause it, but it's been observed in conjunction with it," said Owen. "This is alien technology targeting a very specific area and operational issue in the brain, so it's probably decades if not centuries ahead of us. I should do a blood test before we run with the theory, though. Check neurotransmitters, things like that."

Two hours later, they met in the conference room. Owen showed them the images from the scans again, including his own, which he had talked Ianto through. It matched both Jack and Ianto's results in terms of dysfunction. "And the bloodwork supports it. All three of us are extremely low in dopamine."

"I thought dopamine was part of the reward system?" Ianto asked. "You do something good, you get the rush to feel the pleasure."

"Usually it is," said Owen. "And in a way it makes sense that with such low levels, we all went out and did something fairly impulsive—something we wanted to do, something that made us feel good in whatever bizarre way baking muffins makes Jack get off in the kitchen. On the other hand, dopamine can be a motivator as well, giving us the impetus to act. Low dopamine levels often cause depression and anxiety, while higher ones can cause psychosis."

"I don't feel depressed," Jack said cheerfully.

"Or psychotic," added Ianto.

"Like I said, it's complicated," said Owen. "It's the human brain. It's why psychotherapy can be such a hit and miss—everyone's brain reacts differently. Except in this case, apparently. Whatever that device is, it affected us all the same. Wish it still worked so we had some idea of how."

"Owen, can you boost the dopamine levels?" asked Tosh. "Would that help?"

"I can try to raise them with drugs, yes," said Owen. "It's classic psychiatry. But that could take days or weeks, and who knows what we'll be up to by then, or if there might be side effects, or if it would even work. It's more likely that something about the device affected the neurons themselves, causing them to not accept the dopamine, which is why the body isn't producing as much. Why waste it? And why throw more at it if the brain won't use it anyway?"

"So we have to fix the receptors so that they can receive deliveries again," said Jack. "Electrical and chemical."

"Easier said than done, mate," said Owen. "We don't know what the little black box did to shut down such a specific function in the first place."

"I've got the data from the scanner on that initial pulse the box sent out the moment you touched it," said Tosh. "If I could isolate and recreate the that pulse, would reversing it restart the receptors?"

Gwen frowned as if trying to understand. Owen shook his head. "I doubt it. Think of it like firing a gun at someone: the damage is done. Taking the bullet out and putting it back in the gun doesn't automatically make the wound go away. It still has to be cleaned and treated."

"But if an electrical impulse short circuits a piece of mechanical equipment, sometimes we can jumpstart it with another. Or even a heart. Why not the brain?" asked Ianto.

"Because the brain is a bit more complicated than a car or a heart, that's why," said Owen. "But then, we still know so little about the brain and how it regulates itself that anything is possible, I suppose."

"Worst that can happen if we give Tosh's theory a try?" asked Jack.

"Your brain dribbles out of your ear," said Owen. "Which wouldn't be a problem for you, but I'd rather not give it a try."

"I'll run simulations," said Tosh. "We can try it on some rats, make sure their brains don't explode."

"That's barbaric!" said Gwen.

"Gwen, I frequently grab a few rats from the lower levels when I'm working with alien tech. You know that." said Owen. "Unless you'd like to volunteer, would you stop judging already?" He turned and left the conference room, stomping back down to the medical bay.

"I'm not—" Gwen started.

"Yes, you are," said Tosh, gathering her folders and following Owen. Jack and Ianto stayed right where they were, sitting side-by-side, hands on one another's knees as they discussed something privately. "You haven't stopped since I walked in."

Gwen was silent for a long moment as she trailed behind Tosh. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "You're right, I'm not handling this very well."

Tosh sighed and turned back to the woman, who did look genuinely remorseful, as well as honestly confused.

"It's fine. I know you're worried," she said. "But worry about them all, not just Jack." She turned toward her computer, biting back the impulse to add,  _It's not about you and Jack, after all._ Not after what almost happened that morning at City Hall.

"Of course," said Gwen. "I am, I'm just…surprised? Confused? Worried?"

"You're jealous, Gwen," said Tosh, eyes focused on her computer. "You've always assumed that Jack would be there, waiting at your beck and call to do whatever you want when you decide you want it. But he was with Ianto before and he's with him now. Don't mess that up—especially since you already have someone you're planning to spend the rest of your life with."

Gwen stared at her before laughing nervously. "Don't sugarcoat it, Tosh."

"Sorry," she said, offering a small smile. "I just want to figure this out before they do something they can't easily fix, delete, or return. Like a tattoo or something."

"I don't know," Gwen said, still sounding slightly unsure of herself. "Ianto would look good with a tattoo." Tosh stifled a giggle as Gwen lowered her voice. "And Jack would love it."

"Don't suggest it," Tosh said, grinning broadly now. "Ianto would never forgive you."

"Well, what can I do, then?" Gwen asked. "Give me something to do so I don't keep putting my foot in my mouth."

Tosh thought about it, but came up blank. She needed to work on her own and touch base with Owen; Gwen would likely get in the way. Jack and Ianto came out and sat down on the couch, helping themselves to more biscuits before Ianto went to start another pot of coffee. Then it occurred to her.

"Keep an eye on those two," she said quietly. "Owen should be okay, he's got a project to focus on and I'll be working with him enough to watch him, but Jack and Ianto could get into trouble if they're bored and on their own with no one telling them no."

Gwen glanced at the sofa, where Jack and Ianto were sitting close once again, heads touching as they talked and flipped through file folders of what looked like paint colors. Gwen gave Tosh funny look.

"If someone's got to do it, I guess it should be me." She turned away with a sigh. "But call me if you need help. Or if there's a Weevil invasion." Jack and Ianto laughed at something, open and easy and utterly adorable again. "Or the end of the world, maybe."

Tosh grinned to herself. It served Gwen right to babysit Jack and Ianto after her extreme reaction earlier. More importantly, it would let Tosh and Owen work on finding a cure to the problem. Tosh could keep an eye on Owen, but hopefully the challenge would keep him focused. She wondered what Jack and Ianto might try to get up to.

Gwen was diligent in her duty, as if trying to make amends for her behavior earlier. She followed them everywhere, always smiling innocently. They tried to give her the slip several times, but each time she tracked them down and stayed with them. She confiscated Jack's phone before he could book them a two-week trip to Italy; Tosh locked out their Internet access on the computers. When Ianto offered to go out and pick up dinner, Gwen ordered pizza instead, had it delivered, and strong-armed Jack and Ianto into staying downstairs while she went up to get it with the promise of ten minutes alone in Jack's office.

Owen turned on the music again. He also picked up a copy of Wuthering Heights to pass the time. Tosh shook her head, wondering if they were getting worse. Jack and Ianto wanted to leave Wales for an extended holiday, which was not all that unexpected, but Owen reading classic literature instead of porn definitely was.

They sat around the conference room eating pizza. Jack, Owen, and Ianto carried the conversation with story after story about increasingly insane exploits that couldn't possibly be true. Well, maybe in Jack's case, but Tosh didn't believe the other two for a minute. They then tried to one-up each other with bigger and grander plans—what to do, where to go, what to buy. Owen revealed his deep desire to see the Great Barrier Reef; Ianto confessed that he was becoming more and more enamored (his word) of the stars. Which was when Jack hooked his foot around Ianto's chair, pulled him close in a smooth move worth of any romantic hero, and promised to take him across the galaxy one day. He sealed it with a kiss that made Tosh blush, Gwen gape, and Owen groan.

Tosh isolated the pulse the little black box had sent out. She tried to recreate it with something from the archives Ianto thought might work, never mind that it took him thirty minutes to find it. Jack disappeared at the same time, somehow managing to shake Gwen, who looked more than traumatized when she dragged them back upstairs and handed Tosh the device.

Owen worked with her, idly chattering about the opera and his new car and how much he wanted to take up smoking again only he was a doctor and he knew better so maybe he could try learning aikido or start playing lacrosse. Ianto was sitting on the sofa with Jack (again) going through extraterrestrial cookbooks and suggested Owen try rowing, and they made plans to join a local club that practiced on Saturdays along the Taff. It left Tosh's head spinning, and Gwen looked completely dazed as well.

After several hours, they'd finally succeeded in recreating the pulse and reversing it. They needed to run simulations and test it, but by then it was past midnight, and everyone was exhausted. Jack suggested they all go home and come back in the morning, but Tosh resisted; to her relief, Gwen backed her up. There was no way they could let the three men out of their sight. Tosh doubted they would even make it back the next day. Jack and Ianto finally agreed to stay at the Hub, although Tosh knew they were already making plans based on the looks they were exchanging. Owen reluctantly agreed, but he too looked like he was scheming.

Tosh locked down the Hub so no one could leave unless she let them go.

After gathering blankets and pillows for a quick lie-in around the sofa, Jack declared he had his own room and that he wanted to use it, thank you very much. He grabbed Ianto by the hand; with a shameless smirk and a not-at-all-innocent shrug, Ianto followed Jack into the office. Gwen watched them with a look of panic.

"I don't have to keep following them, do I?" she asked. Owen snorted as he kicked off his shoes and settled into a chair, and even Tosh had to smile.

"No, they should be fine. I don't think they can get into any trouble down there."

Owen snorted again. "This is Jack Harkness we're talking about, you know," he pointed out.

"And Ianto Jones," Gwen added.

"A formidable pair," Tosh murmured. Owen had insisted she take the sofa, given she was working hardest on the little black box, and she arranged her blanket and pillow as best as she could manage.

"If they turned their minds to it, the whole galaxy could be theirs," said Owen. "A galactic coffee empire." He laughed at his own joke. Gwen shook her head. She had found an old cot and set it up on the other side of the table. It looked old and unstable, but it had to be better than the chair Owen had claimed, and probably cleaner than the sofa.

"I'd join," said Tosh, unable to hold back a yawn. "But I think we'll be able to sort this in the morning and hold off the threat of world domination a little bit longer."

Owen reached over and squeezed her hand. "Get some rest, Tosh. You've worked hard today."

"Thanks to you three," she joked. "I'm just trying to help."

"You love it and you know it," he replied with a wink. "And you're the best at it."

"Don't flatter me and think you can try something funny," she warned him. "No more cars, flats, large instruments, or trips."

"I'll just have to dig deeper then," he murmured.

"Go to sleep first," said Gwen, her voice slurred with sleep. "Dig in the morning."

"Yes, ma'am," Owen replied. "Goodnight, ladies."

"Goodnight, Owen."

"Goodnight, Tosh."

"Goodnight, Gwen."

"Goodnight, moon."

Tosh fell asleep with a smile on her face, and though deep down she was happy to help her friends, she was also sad to lose this new version of them. It was still them, just more...alive. If only the world were really like that, and so many other things didn't get in the way of happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, I'm really not a neurobiologist. So I do apologize if I've mucked about with the brain too much. I'll get working on that degree as soon as possible. But first I have to post the next chapter. Which is equally uneven in terms of serious and humorous, because I suppose that's what this is: both a humorous situation that can be serious at times, and a serious situation playing out humorously. Thank you for reading!


	7. We Save The World Just Fine

vii. We save the world just fine.

Tosh woke to the scent of coffee and the sound of fingers tapping away at a keyboard. She sat up and rubbed bleary eyes to see Ianto sitting at her computer, dressed in jeans and jumper that looked at least ten years older than him. Probably one of Jack's then. She knew immediately that Ianto was trying to circumvent her lockdown of the Hub by the overly cheerful smile he turned on her as he quickly closed whatever he had been working on.

"Good morning, Tosh!" he said brightly, waking Owen, who groaned at them from his chair. "Coffee?"

"Please," she said, stretching before padding over to her computer. Yes, he was trying to break the lockdown. She gave him a withering look when he returned with her mug of coffee.

"Ianto Jones, you should know better," she said.

He shrugged unapologetically. "One can still try."

"It's Sunday morning, Ianto," she laughed. "What were you going to do? You can't get married or buy a car or anything like that."

"I wanted to pick up some breakfast," he replied. "It is part of my job, after all."

She watched him over the rim of her mug. "You couldn't wait to have someone serve you the other day. I think you just wanted to get out of the Hub and into more mischief."

"I want bacon and eggs," Ianto said, his voice rather forlorn. "And biscuits and fruit and maybe even pancakes and sausage."

"Harkness must have worked you hard last night," said Owen, helping himself to coffee. His clothes were rumpled and his hair was standing on end, but he didn't seem to care. "I'm surprised we didn't hear you up here."

"Other way around, Owen," Ianto said without turning to acknowledge the doctor. "And you didn't hear anything because—"

"Never mind," said Owen. "It's way too early for that sort of thing. I don't want to lose my appetite."

Ianto raised an eyebrow at Tosh. "See, Owen's hungry, too. Now will you let me out to get breakfast for the team?"

"I'll go with you," Tosh replied. "Give me twenty minutes to clean up, then Owen and Gwen can get ready while we're out. Deal?"

Ianto rolled his eyes. "You're a strict handler, Tosh. Ever consider MI-6?"

She laughed as she headed downstairs to her locker and the showers. She cleaned up quickly, throwing on the extra clothes she always kept at the Hub. Ianto had taken breakfast orders and was practically bursting at the seams to go; he must have had a real craving for bacon and eggs. It seemed a strange thing to deny himself.

Ianto ordered so much food that it took them almost an hour to troop back to the Hub with it. Gwen was standing watch over Jack and Owen, looking both amused and slightly disgusted. When Tosh gave her a curious look, Gwen shook her head. "You don't even want to know what I just had to sit and listen to."

They had breakfast in the Hub, gathered around the sofa as they planned out the tests they needed to run before trying the cure on the three men. All three seemed remarkably easy-going about it, and Tosh feared even Owen might lose his motivation to find the solution, leaving them stuck with little to no filter when it came to chasing after their wants and desires. She was sure it would only grow worse, ending in disaster and ruin, and quite possibly more cars, houses, and trips. Or a wedding.

The computer simulations went well, and although they were not one hundred percent successful, it was the best they could manage virtually. Owen shrugged and went off to find some rats. When he returned, they placed the creature in a clear box. Owen attempted to recreate a dysfunction in the rat's frontal lobe similar to that the men had shown on their scans, and then Tosh administered the electrical pulse that was the opposite of the one the scanner had picked up when they had found the little black box. The rat froze before it began running around the box, squealing and picking at its ears with its forelegs. It was clearly in pain, and soon fell over and died.

Owen swore; Tosh was tempted, but held back. They were clearly not ready to try this on humans if their first test subject died immediately.

"Did we adjust the strength of the pulse to account for the difference in brain sizes?" Owen asked. Tosh double-checked her calculations and nodded; they had. Yet it had clearly not worked in spite of all their careful calculations. Owen suggested dialing it back, and they tried again. This time the rat did not react much at all and survived. Owen took them both out to examine.

The first animal had died from the electrical pulse. It had literally opened up all the receptors of the rat's brain and fried it, no doubt creating terrible pain and killing it quickly. The second rat showed almost no change in brain patterns.

"We either find a happy medium in between, which carries its own risks," Owen said, "or we look at other solutions. Either way, the initial idea is not going to work. I do not want soup for brains."

Tosh sighed. "I can't think of anything else, Owen. What do you suggest?"

He was quiet, hands folded over his chest. "I think the theory was flawed from the beginning. Remember the example with the bullet? Whatever that little black box did, simply doing the opposite is not going to fix it."

"Because in the end, we don't really know how it affected to your brain. We just have a measurement of the electrical pulse and a picture of the effect," said Tosh, and Owen nodded. He began to clean up the rats, before turning toward Tosh.

"Look, we've done all we can. Maybe we have to let it go. Maybe there is no fix."

"Owen!" she exclaimed. "How can you say that? How can you give up?"

He hedged a bit. "I'm not giving up, not exactly. I'm just saying that maybe it's all right if we're like this. God knows I feel better than I've felt for years. Why would I want to give that up?"

"Because it's not really you," said Tosh. "I mean, it is, but it's you acting different because alien technology did something in your brain that's making you act different. And I know that because you don't give up when it comes to these sorts of things!"

"Maybe," said Owen, shaking his head. "But if we're right about this, the little black box just removed the obstacles that hold us back from doing what we want. I wanted a hot new car, so I bought one. I would have never let myself get something like that before."

"Exactly!" she said. "You would have stopped yourself from spending so much money, just like you would tell yourself not to quit now. Can't you see how odd it is that there's no longer a little voice in your head talking you out of those things?"

He sighed. "Honestly, Tosh? I sort of like it. It's empowering, knowing I can do whatever I want to do because I won't stop myself. It's exciting, invigorating."

"It's dangerous," said Tosh, almost desperate to make him understand. "What if you act on a sudden impulse and something bad happens? Something you'll regret forever?"

"You mean like Jack and Ianto almost signing the register at City Hall?" Owen asked with a laugh. "Yeah, that was a bit mad. But at the same time, they obviously care about each other, so if they want to commit, why not?"

"Because they'd be doing it under alien influence, Owen! I can't let them do that! I can't let any of you do something that you'll regret later." She stomped out of the medical bay and back upstairs to her station. Ianto and Gwen looked up as she flew by them.

"Dead rats?" asked Ianto. He was sitting cross-legged on the sofa with dozens of file folders spread out around him. Gwen was sprawled in the chair with several more. Tosh did a double take and frowned.

"What are you doing?" she asked. "And yes, dead rats. Very dead."

Gwen sighed. "I'm sorry, Tosh. You'll figure it out, though. You always do."

"And we're trying to help," said Ianto. "I pulled all the files I could that had any mention of a black box to see if Torchwood has ever encountered it before."

It occurred to Tosh that normally Ianto would have done that already, only he was probably distracted by almost getting married and being promised a trip across the galaxy. He wouldn't want to go through the archives looking for an answer to something he didn't consider a problem, so it hadn't even occurred to him as a possible course of action. She wondered why he had thought about it now.

It was as if he had read her mind. "I want to help," he said. "I'm skeptical because I feel great, but I hate seeing you look so worried and work so hard. Is there anything else I can do?"

She shook her head. "No, but thank you, Ianto," she said. "Where's Jack?" Gwen cocked her head toward Jack's office.

"He's talking to a friend at UNIT to see if she might have any ideas."

"Some former companion of the Doctor," Ianto added, then went back to his folders.

Tosh frowned. "A former companion of the Doctor works for UNIT?" she asked. Ianto shrugged.

"I know nothing except she helped save the world. Probably a good person for them to have around, then. Especially at Christmas."

"Sounds like someone we could use here," said Gwen.

"Oi!" said Owen, coming up the stairs. "We save the world just fine. We don't need help. We have Tosh."

Gwen giggled and exchanged a look with Ianto, who smiled as he went back to his sorting. Tosh rolled her eyes. In some ways she was enjoying Owen's compliments, but knowing that they were brought out by alien technology did make it feel less sincere and lessen the glow. She wondered why he didn't let himself compliment her otherwise, or if it was just the idea of being nice in general that Owen resisted so doggedly on a day to day basis.

Owen came over to Tosh's station, and together they ran more tests and simulations. Gwen and Ianto continued searching through the files, and Jack stayed in his office, no longer on the telephone with UNIT but clearly taking a nap in his chair; apparently Ianto had been telling the truth about their night, and Jack needed his rest.

It was Ianto who finally found something after lunch. Everyone had been quiet all morning. They had been literally stuck in the Hub for over twenty-four hours with little hope of finding the solution that would let them all go home. After eating quickly with none of the boisterous laughing from the night before, they had all retreated to their corners to do what they could, until Ianto jumped up with an old file folder in hand.

"I think I've got something!" he exclaimed, and everyone turned to stare at him. Ianto was engrossed in the file, lips moving silently as he read through it.

"Ianto!" Gwen demanded. "What did you find?"

The Welshman grinned as he looked up. "Apparently Torchwood has seen one of these before. I love ridiculous coincidences, don't you?"

"What?" drawled Owen. "You mean some magical alien box  fell through a rift in space and time and landed on the same planet twice?"

"Exactly," said Ianto, ignoring Owen's sarcasm. "It's the perfect deux et machina."

"The perfect what?" asked Gwen.

"Stupid solution to a stupid problem," grumbled Owen. "Well, get on with it, master archivist. What did the records tell you?"

Ianto grinned even bigger and tucked the folder under his arm. "Jack!" he called. "Come on out. Let's see if this works."

"Yes, sir," Jack said, bounding out of his office to join them. They all gathered around Tosh's station. Ianto reached out for the little black box.

"According to Torchwood Two, there should be a little button right about here." He flipped it over and held it close, squinting at the plain black box. He gave Tosh a small smile just before pressing his finger to whatever he found.

"Ianto, no!" she cried, but it was too late. The box lit up. Everyone except Ianto took three steps back; Ianto just rolled his eyes.

"There. Now it's on," he said.

"How did you do that?" demanded Tosh. "I've been studying that thing for two days and didn't see any hint of a button, nor was there any evidence it even had power!"

Ianto winked. "It's alien," he said, as if that explained everything. In Torchwood it usually did. "Now, according to the rest of the file, this was sent to Torchwood Two back in 1969. And it went off while they were archiving it. There's quite a list of the effects." He chuckled. "Apparently that's how Torchwood Two ended up with that posh whirlpool and spa in the basement."

"They have a spa?" Owen demanded. "What the hell am I doing here if they have a spa?"

"Because it's Scotland?" suggested Ianto, and Gwen nodded in agreement.

"They had a sauna and everything," sighed Jack. "All alien tech, things you never thought were even possible. Brilliant."

"Oh yeah," agreed Ianto. They both had that same dreamy look on their face that suggested something inappropriate.

"Oi!" said Owen. "When did you get off at Torchwood Two?"

Ianto coughed and came back to them. "When I was up there in December to help with the end of the year inventory." That funny smile came back to his face, and Jack waggled his eyebrows at Ianto. Owen shook his head.

"Whatever. Don't want to know. What else does the file say?"

"You mean, what else happened besides the copious amounts of sex, drugs, and rock and roll the three person team engaged in before they figured it out?" Ianto asked. He was looking over the file again and every so often his eyes would go wide. "I'm surprised they weren't disbanded!"

"I remember this now," said Jack, crossing his arms over his chest. "We thought they'd all gone mad from the pressure and isolation. Torchwood Two wasn't much back then. Still isn't. Still weird, too." He paused. "It took them almost a month to sort it out, but at least they didn't disappear like Torchwood Four."

"Torchwood Four is on the moon," said Ianto, still reading the file. He glanced up at the surprised gasp from Gwen and Tosh. "I'm kidding. Well, maybe. They got sucked into a wormhole in Brú na Bóinne on the winter solstice."

"Brú na Bóinne?" asked Tosh, interested in spite of everything. Wormholes tended to do that to her sometimes.

"County Meath, Ireland," said Ianto. "Neolithic tomb. People flock there every year, so they were studying it to see why. The sun rose, the crowds went gasped in awe, and poof! All of Torchwood Four disappeared. Haven't heard from them since."

"When was that?" asked Gwen.

"1999," said Jack. "Not a good year." Ianto reached out and squeezed Jack's hand.

"Anyway," Ianto continued, glancing up with a smile. "Torchwood history is beside the point. The Glasgow team left us directions. The little black box is now on, and according to them, all we have to do to reverse the effects is press the red button."

"What red button?" asked Tosh. "I see lights, but no buttons."

Ianto frowned and read the file again. "Ah ha." He turned the box over, tapped the button he had just used three times, and inhaled sharply through his nose when the top of the box flipped open to reveal a full control panel. He grinned at his reaction.

"There we are. And there's the red button."

"Ianto!" said Gwen. "How can you be sure?"

"I'm not," said Ianto, but he didn't sound concerned about it at all.

"Then don't press it," said Tosh. "Let me take a look now that you've turned it back on."

"It's fine," said Ianto. "It's right here in the file."

"Press it," said Jack, nodding in agreement. "If you don't, I'm not likely to be here tomorrow. I'll be at City Hall and then celebrating in Venice with my favorite Welshman."

Ianto looked at him in surprise and then with sadness before glancing over at Owen. The doctor shrugged. "Fine with me, mate. If it doesn't work, I might end up in Australia, or the bottom of the Taff, but hell if I care as long as I have fun."

Ianto nodded, clearly thinking it over. He took a deep breath and reached for the red button.

"No!" cried Tosh.

He pressed it.

Nothing happened.

Everyone looked at each other, until Tosh shook herself out of it. What was she expecting, bright lights and scary music? She turned toward her computer, and sure enough, there was a spike of energy recorded on the monitor.

"Something happened when you pressed that button," she said, turning back. "How do you feel?"

"Um," said Jack.

"Er," said Ianto.

"Shit," said Owen.

"Maybe it worked," whispered Gwen. Her and Tosh watched as Ianto set down the box and the files and slowly walked over to the sofa, where he collapsed with his head in his hands. Jack was standing still, staring into the distance as if in a trance. And Owen was frowning, shaking his head and stretching his neck as if it were hurting him.

"Jack?" asked Gwen.

Jack didn't answer; he barely blinked. Owen rubbed his palms into his temples and then staggered over to the sofa and collapsed next to Ianto. Ianto had fallen backward, one arm splayed over the side, head back and eyes closed.

"Are you all right?" asked Tosh. No one answered. Gwen stared at the men.

"What happened?"

"I don't know," said Tosh. "But I'm assuming it only affected them since we seem to be fine."

"My brain is on fire," moaned Owen.

"A massive, raging inferno," agreed Ianto.

"Must be the neurons refiring," Owen said. He flung a hand over his head and bit back another moan. "Or our brains melting."

"You think?" asked Ianto dryly, then abruptly sat up, eyes wide. "I feel sick."

"Tosh!" growled Owen. "Get us the anti-nausea shot, quick! Before we vomit up the last three days of our lives."

Tosh dashed downstairs and got what they needed as fast as she could. Ianto had his head between his knees when she got back, breathing deeply while Gwen rubbed his back. Owen was still inert on the sofa, and Jack was still frozen where he was standing.

"Got it," she said. "Where do you want it?"

"Upper arm," said Owen, his voice tight with pain. "And fast."

She stuck them both, recoiling when they each hissed in pain. Gwen stuck a plaster on them while Tosh went to Jack and stuck him. The sharp jab seemed to snap his trance.

"Ow!" he cried, rubbing his arm. "What did you do that for?"

"Anti-nausea shot," she said. "And at least it got your attention. Thought you'd left the building for a minute there."

Jack took a deep breath and closed his eyes. When he opened them, they were clear and focused, and he smiled as he embraced Tosh.

"Thank you," he whispered. "For everything."

"I didn't do anything," she protested. "Ianto found the file and pushed the button—"

"For everything else," he said softly, brushing his hand across his face. "I know we've been difficult these last few days. Thanks for watching over us."

She hugged him back. "You're welcome, Jack. I just didn't want anyone doing something they'd regret."

He gave her that lopsided grin she adored. "You know what? I don't regret anything. And I do remember," he added as she opened her mouth to ask. "I remember it all. But it's a good memory."

Gwen had got warm cloths for Owen and Ianto, who were almost passed out with pain, and placed them on their foreheads. Tosh asked if she could get them some painkillers, but Owen said it might interfere with their brains going back to normal, and that it would be better to ride it out. Ianto called the doctor some very unflattering names in Welsh until Jack kneeled down next to him and took his hand. Ianto visibly relaxed, a small smile on his face.

"Why aren't you flat on your back?" Owen complained, one eye looking at Jack with disgust.

"Magical healing powers, Owen," Jack replied. "Once the little black box started it, my body finished it nice and quick."

"Wanker," Ianto murmured. Tosh and Gwen giggled.

"Yes," said Jack, watching Ianto closely. "But you almost married this wanker, you know."

Ianto opened his eyes and groaned. "Oh god, why do we still remember it all?"

"Because there was no Retcon or time travel involved," said Owen. "Though frankly, I wish there was. I'd prefer it to this headache and the thought that I was actually reading Bronte of my own free will yesterday."

"I bought a piano," said Ianto, sounding slightly awed.

"I bought Jaguar," said Owen. He sounded perfectly pleased with it.

"We joined a rowing club," said Ianto, and at that the two men started laughing, which was when Tosh knew that everything was going to be all right.

Turning back to the little black box and the file Ianto had found on it, she scanned through the report from Torchwood Two. With a deep breath, she carefully followed the directions to deactivate the device, then laughed to herself as she thought about how much more damage it had done at Torchwood Two. Jack, Ianto, and Owen were very lucky that it hadn't gone on longer.

Then again, a spa in the Hub would do wonders after saving the world.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not a scientist, and still not done. I do hope you enjoyed this because I always knew Ianto would figure it out, although I didn't know he'd be so snarky about it! Time to wrap it up tomorrow! Thank you for reading!


	8. The Little Black Box Made You Do It

viii. The little black box made you do it

Tosh gathered her things, reluctant to leave even though she hadn't been home for almost two days. After sleeping for several hours, Owen and Ianto appeared to be on the road to recovery. They still looked pale and fatigued, but both claimed their headaches were bearable, and Owen said they could take normal painkillers for the night. All three men seemed to be rattled by their experience over the past 48 hours, though in very different ways. Owen appeared annoyed, Jack thoughtful, and Ianto embarrassed. Tosh suspected Jack and Ianto would have some things to talk about, and she hoped it didn't end awkwardly.

Jack insisted everyone go home and take the next morning off. Gwen left to have a late dinner with Rhys, and Owen was about to follow her out when he stopped by Tosh's station.

"Look, Tosh," he started, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry about all this…about everything we've said and done the last three days..." He trailed off, and Tosh gave him a sympathetic look even though a part of her was breaking inside. She was saddened to think that he regretted anything he'd said or done, especially with her.

"You don't have to apologize for anything, Owen. You didn't do anything wrong."

He frowned at her response. "I suppose. I feel like I did, though."

"You just did what you wanted to do for once, not what you thought you should do. There's nothing wrong about that." When Owen was silent, she placed a hand on his arm in support. "And the little black box made you do it, if that helps."

"Not really," he laughed hollowly. "It's just that I feel…well, a bit guilty for going out. To the opera."

Tosh thought about it, wanting to believe it had less to do with her and more to do with the memory of his fiancé. "Katie would probably want you to go, wouldn't she? I can't imagine her wanting you to give up something you enjoy because she's gone. It's a way to remember her."

"I guess it is," Owen murmured. To her surprise, he pulled her in close for a hug. "You are a wise woman, Toshiko Sato."

Tosh stepped back in amazement; he did know her full name. She smiled to cover her surprise. "I try my best," she replied, borrowing one of Ianto's lines.

"Thank you," he said. "For everything."

"You're welcome," she said. "Now get going before this gets too sentimental."

"Agreed," he said, then hurried down the stairs. He stopped at the cog door. "Tosh, I bought a subscription to the opera yesterday, before you kicked us off the Internet. Do you want to go again sometime?"

"I'd love to," she said, once again completely gobsmacked. "But only if you tell me a bit more about Katie."

Owen smiled, and Tosh was glad to know that she had done that, and not the black box. "I'd like that," he said. "Thanks again, Tosh."

"You're welcome. Have a good night, Owen."

He wished her well and left, and she watched him go before pulling on her coat. Tosh decided to check on Jack and Ianto one last time before she went home as well, but when she turned, Ianto was standing right behind her, a thermos of hot coffee in his hand.

"One for the road," he said, holding it out for her. "It's a bit chilly out there."

She smiled and took a sip, closing her eyes in bliss for a moment. "Oh, thank you, Ianto."

He raised an eyebrow. "No, thank  _you_ , Tosh. You saved us from some rather rash decisions."

She searched his face for regret and found only confusion and embarrassment. "I'm glad you don't think they were bad decisions."

"Well," he offered, hands in his pockets. "There's nothing  _bad_ about the piano, I suppose."

She laughed with him. "Are you going to keep it?" she asked.

"I don't know. I'd like to. I did enjoy it as a child, after all." He grinned. "Maybe I'll have it delivered to the Hub and play on my breaks."

"What breaks?" laughed Tosh.

"Give me a reason to take some," Ianto pointed out.

"I thought Jack already did?" she teased. He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Well, Owen watches porn on his breaks, so you could definitely play piano on yours."

"Too bad it's not an alien piano," Ianto said, looking thoughtful. "Then I could claim it as a work expense. Maybe even get compensated for practicing."

They laughed together as Ianto walked her down to the door and followed her into the lift. He shrugged at her questioning look. "I'll walk you out."

"Are you all right?" she asked as the lift started.

"I'm fine, Tosh," he said, and for once she believed him, when so much of the time he hid his thoughts and feelings from them. "I'm just a bit…embarrassed, for one. Surprised, and definitely confused. I feel like there are lots of things to think about now that it's over." He shrugged again, clearly uncomfortable. She linked her arm with his and stepped into the tourist office.

"Ianto, just because you wanted to move in with Jack and get married doesn't mean you  _have_  to move in with Jack and get married."

He gave her a skeptical look, so she continued. "The box loosened your inhibitions so you could act on your inner desires, things you wanted deep down but maybe didn't acknowledge, or wouldn't let yourself think about. Things the little voice of reason in your head usually tells you to ignore or deny. You want a normal life, Ianto. A family, a partner, a home. We all do."

"I almost moved in with my boss, Tosh," he said in that self-deprecating way he did so well.

"He asked you to move in with him, Ianto," she replied. "Don't forget that."

"He's lonely." Ianto was trying to justify it, explain it away, and she knew it would take a while for him to accept more than the surface explanation.

"We all are," Tosh said. "He still asked you. He's dating you. He spends the night with you. He almost married you, Ianto! You're both looking for love and companionship, and you found it with each other. That means something, even if you're not signing the register tomorrow."

He was staring at her with wide eyes. "Owen was right. You are a very wise woman, Toshiko Sato."

Ianto kissed her on the cheek, and she blushed as she embraced him. Turning to leave, she added one last thing.

"Call me tomorrow if you need anything."

"You've earned the day off, Tosh," he replied with a smile. "We kept you here all weekend trying to untangle this."

"That's not what I meant," she said.

"I won't need a witness, if that's what you're thinking."

She laughed in delight. "I wasn't…but call me the day you do."

This time Ianto blushed. Tosh walked out into the early evening light, the cold air almost taking her breath away. She inhaled deeply as the breeze from the Bay washed over her. It felt good to be outside after so many hours locked away, trying to help her coworkers. She smiled to herself as she thought about Jack, Owen, and Ianto, and what they had been through. Ianto would be fine, and so would Jack, though they might struggle to come to terms with what they had revealed to both each other and the team. Owen would be fine as well—they all would, moving on until the next disaster. She felt like she knew her coworkers a little bit better, and she loved them even more for it.

And best of all, she had another date to the opera.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more short wrap-up later today. Dialogue only, because I couldn't resist. Stay tuned and thanks for reading!


	9. Epilogue

ix. Epilogue

"So. You have a new flat."

"And you have a new piano."

"What do you think we should do, Jack?"

"I don't know, I really don't. What do you think?"

"Well, a part of me wants to keep wearing jeans to work, grow a beard, and play the piano. The more rational part of my mind keeps begging me to shave, put on a waistcoat for god's sake, and return the piano first thing in the morning."

"I know what you mean. I want to keep the flat, but I don't know whether I'd be doing it because I want to live there, because the little black box made me want to live there, or because I'm too much of a coward to  _not_  live there now that I've got it."

"You're not a coward, Jack."

"Apparently I'm a quite a pastry chef, though."

"You do make wonderful biscuits."

"Thank you. Still doesn't solve our problem, though."

"Nope."

"Maybe we need some sort of compromise."

"I'm listening."

"All right, first of all, how about casual weekends?"

"Seriously, Jack?"

"I'm serious. You obviously feel restricted by wearing a suit everyday, even if you won't admit it, so as much as it pains me to suggest, why not dress down on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday?"

"Do I have to shave?"

"I personally love a bit of stubble on a man."

"Good to know. I'll think about it. That addresses one of my apparent issues, what about yours?"

"Which one?"

"Are you really tired of living at the Hub? Because there's nothing keeping you here. We're more than capable of leaving it unattended overnight and routing the systems. We do it every time you come back to mine."

"But I still feel like I'm connected, like I haven't abandoned it."

"It's not a person, Jack. The Hub is a deep, dark, dank hole in the ground. Move out already, it's as bad as living in your mum's basement sometimes."

"That's encouraging."

"It's the truth. More importantly, you deserve it, Jack. I know Torchwood is a big part of who you are and what you do, but it doesn't have to be everything."

"What if there's nothing else?"

"There's us, the rest of the team. There's a city you probably haven't let yourself enjoy in years, people who care about you, a gourmet kitchen waiting at your new flat…"

"So you think I should keep it?"

"I do. You can still spend nights here when you need to, but wouldn't you like to call someplace your own? Your home?"

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Would you still move in?"

"And give up my flat?"

"Yes."

"I don't know. That was one of the more impulsive decisions we made."

"You don't think backdating our registration for a civil partnership trumps moving in together?"

"Well, yes, it certainly does. But that was easily fixed. Registration deleted, appointment canceled, situation contained."

"Ianto, we were ready to get married. To each other."

"We were ready to get married. We happened to be with each other at the time."

"So you're saying we settled for one another?"

"I didn't say that. We weren't thinking clearly. There was no inner voice telling us we shouldn't do it."

"And now there is."

"Now there is."

"I hate the voices in my head sometimes."

"It's not telling me it's a bad idea, just that now is not the time. I'm not ready."

"No, me neither. I like the idea, though."

"I do too. Someday."

"So what about the flat?"

"We already work together, Jack. Maybe having our own places would allow us a bit of breathing room when we need it."

"Or maybe we could have sex every day and save money while we're at it."

"We already have sex every day, and we don't need the money. You proved that when you picked the most expensive flat in the building."

"It was the kitchen."

"Then I expect haute cuisine at least once a week."

"I liked the roof, too."

"I look forward to brooding on it with you."

"Let's replace brooding with 'having sex'. So what about the piano?"

"I don't know. I'd sort of like to keep it, but I don't have room at my flat. Maybe I'll take it back and put the money toward that Aston Martin you mentioned."

"That's a good idea."

"You only live once, after all. Well, the rest of us. Not you, obviously."

"Obviously. You could always keep the piano at my flat and save for the car."

"That might work. Give me a reason to invite myself over."

"You don't need a reason, you know that. You're welcome any time."

"Are you going to say something about tickling your ivories?"

"I'm trying to stay serious, but you can push my pedals anytime. So are we okay, then?"

"We're fine, Jack. Although everyone knows about us now. We weren't very discreet."

"Apparently we didn't want to keep it secret."

"I guess not. It'll be good not to hide everything. We should tone it down around the others, though."

"Why? I love getting a rise out of Owen, and you know Tosh thinks we're adorable."

"Most of Owen's reactions are directed toward me. And while Tosh might coo about it, I'm not sure I could handle Gwen's dirty looks."

"She's just jealous."

"Of course she is. I'm quite a catch."

"I think so."

"Then it's settled. You keep the flat, I'll keep the piano. At least something good came out of all this."

"Oh, it wasn't all bad. There were other good things about it."

"That's right, your muffins were amazing."

"That's not what I was talking about."

"What then? Because while the sex was as spectacular as always, we did embarrass ourselves a bit."

"Well, we learned something."

"What's that? Other than you have an inner chef and I have an inner musician?"

"We learned that deep down, we like each other. A lot. We want to be together, and it's not just about the spectacular sex."

"Jack…"

"It's true. I asked you to move in with me because I wanted to live with you, and you said yes because you wanted to live with me."

"You wanted someone to share a kitchen with."

"And you wanted someone to share a home with."

"Jack, you're making it more complicated than it really is."

"It's actually very simple. Someday I'll ask again, and you'll say yes again."

"If we're ready."

" _When_  we're ready, Ianto."

"You're such an optimist."

"Only when it comes to you. Because I know you."

"And way too sentimental. We've been here long enough. Let's go home."

"Which one?"

"You haven't moved into yours yet, so it'll have to be mine. Want to cook dinner for me?"

"You know I'm getting over that, right?"

"Does that mean cooking naked is out of the question?"

"Depends—what's on the menu?"

"I'm sure we can think of something we'll both enjoy."

"Naked?"

"Definitely naked."

"Then I do."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! I know it would have been great to see Jack and Ianto keep their appointment, but that was never in the cards. I'm a (mostly) canon girl and this is a (mostly) canon story. And it all came from one very striking image of Jack baking and bringing in muffins for the team. I literally wrote a story around that idea! It's been fun, though, and I hope you enjoyed reading it!


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